Validation Is The Key To Winning Every Argument

Disagreement is a part of every day life.  Whether in your personal life, business life, social life – disagreements happen.  I came across an interesting article, The Mistake You Make in Every Argument, that gave an interesting perspective on how to make the best of the often times unavoidable argument. How do you respond when someone says something you disagree with? Do you calmly tell the person why they are mistaken, do you jump right in to defensive mode and yell or do you retreat and let them have their way?  In his article, Dr. Liane Davey makes the argument that all of those responses are wrong and the only way to get results in an argument is to first validate the other’s point of view. The first thing you have to do is validate the other person even though you completely disagree with them! See, when you validate the
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How To Be A Great Teammate

I had the opportunity to hear my friend, Don Yeager, talk about the new book he co-authored with legendary catcher, David Ross, called Teammate. He gave 16 characteristics of high performing teammates and I want to share my top 5. · Humble – They don’t require the spotlight to feel important – Action – make a point to praise others, especially when you are being praised · Encouraging – they notice the success of others – Action – identify those co-workers who are struggling, and find ways to inspire them · Resourceful – they share what they learn and embrace a mentoring role – Action – share your expertise with those co-workers who work in your circle · Willing to sacrifice – they are not above doing the dirty work – Action – assume whatever role is necessary for the team to win. Never say the words: “It’s not my
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Do Your People Know You Care?

Last week I spoke for Easter Seals Florida. They are an incredible non-profit organization that helps individuals with disabilities. I had the opportunity to spend some time with their CEO Sue Ventura and I came away inspired. We’ve all heard the saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I believe that’s true, and I often remind leaders that “You can live people without leading them but you cannot lead people without loving them.” My question is, do your people know you care about them? If your answer is yes then how do you demonstrate it? As the CEO of a non-profit, Sue Ventura is limited in how she uses her funds. But she wanted to make sure her staff felt appreciated and knew how much she cared about them. So in an incredible example of servant leadership, when Sue’s parents passed and
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What Type of Leader Are You?

In 2000, Daniel Goleman conducted a seminal study with over 3000 managers that clarified six distinct leadership styles and traits. Each style has its positives and negatives. Which one describes you?   Visionary — mobilize people toward a vision. Works best when a clear direction or change is needed. Creates the most positive climate. Coaching — develop people for the future. Works best when helping people and building long-term strength. Creates a positive climate. Affiliative — create emotional bonds and harmony. Works best to heal rifts in teams or motivate people in stressful times. Creates a positive climate. Democratic — build consensus through participation. Works best to create consensus or get input. Creates a positive climate. Pacesetting — expect excellence and self-direction. Works best to get quick results from a highly competent team. Creates a negative climate. Commanding — demand immediate compliance. Works best in crisis or with problematic people. Creates a negative climate. The most important aspect of this breakdown is
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5 Ways To Build Credibility

Credibility is an essential ingredient for every one of us who want to build trust and influence.  Being a relevant leader is a balance between credibility and reliability. Here are 5 simple ways to build credibility. Highlight Your Past Experience & Qualifications. – People are looking for signs that you know what you are talking about and that you are a proven entity. Highlighting your past experience lends credibility and substance to your opinions and beliefs. Display How Much You Care – The old adage is true – “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” When we feel others have our best interest in mind, we buy into them more. Demonstrate Similarities – People like others who are similar to them. We tend to trust people who are similar to us. Shared values, similar dress, body language or speaking style can make you
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3 Ways to Create Staying Power as a Leader

My thoughts lately have been on the need for leaders to become and stay relevant. Relevancy creates staying power, but it requires constant vigilance. I read an article recently where Vince Molinari shared three ways that leaders become irrelevant. These can be the things that cause the downfall of many leaders. 1)     You Believe You Arrived:  When leaders achieve a certain level of success they wrongly conclude that they’ve made it. That they have arrived. This can lead a leader to starting coasting. Then one day you realize you no longer matter in your organization. Your ideas don’t resonate with others. You stop being invited to important meetings. To have enduring staying power means understanding that leadership is an unending journey – you never arrive. You must constantly challenge yourself both in how you think about leadership and the way in which you lead, no matter what level of success you have
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What Type of Thinker Are You?

  Our mindset, the way we approach life, the way we think about the world around us dictates so much of our happiness. In the book, Supercoach, author Michael Neill outlines three different types of thinking – Acquisition-based thinking places the power outside us in the visible physical world. If we want some of that power for ourselves, we need to go out and get it. When we don’t get what we want, it’s either because the world is rigged against people like us or we just aren’t trying hard enough. Attraction-based thinking places the power outside us in the invisible metaphysical world. If we want to tap into that power, we need to align our thoughts, feelings, intentions, and desires. When we don’t get what we want, it’s either because God/the universe has a higher plan for us or we just aren’t thinking positively enough. Creation-based thinking recognizes that
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The Three E’s of Great Conversation

My wife Sarah is a great conversationalist. She connects well with others; people love talking to her and they often describe her by saying, “it feels like I’ve known her my whole life.” Those are goals we should all strive for – especially as leaders. Over the years, I have watched her in conversation with others and I’ve deciphered that great conversations require 3 E’s: – Engagement, Energy & Empathy A great conversation first requires engagement. How often are we distracted in a conversation? With texts, email or wandering though processes. When we are engaged both physically (through body language & eye contact) & mentally (through concentration & focus) we make the other person feel important. The second part of a great conversation is energy. Think about how you show up for a potential client or a friend you haven’t seen in years. There is an energy you bring to
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Three Secrets To Improve Your Performance

My friend Mark Sanborn just released a new book titled The Potential Principle. Mark is an incredible thinker and this new book has some amazing insights. One of the ideas that stood out to me was Three Secrets To Improving Your Performance. Regardless of what you do for a living – improving our performance should be a constant priority. Here is an excerpt from Mark’s Three Secrets To Improving Your Performance. First, Performance Improves When You Enjoy It Here’s a rhetorical question: Do you perform better when you are enjoying yourself? Of course you do. You might suffer through a performance that is stellar, but that is rare. A superb performance isn’t just about what you do, how well you do it, or what others think. It is about how you feel when you are doing it. What is the point of better performance if you don’t feel better too?
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The Leadership Formula for Success

Brian Tracy said that the formula for success is Ambition + Empathy. Real leaders speak in what often seem to be contradictory voices. I like to think of it as a balance. Leadership is an art and it requires balance. Ambition reflects a leader’s desire for results. It shows up as direction, organization, vision, and control. Ambition pushes leaders to take action and inspire others to get the job done. The negative connotation attached to ambition is that the ambitious are only in it for themselves and that they will win at any cost. Ambition is balanced with Empathy. Empathy reflects a leader’s concern for people. It embodies humility, compassion and cooperation. Empathy focuses a leader to prioritize people over processes and teaches them to win in the people business. The negative connotation to empathy is that it can create a sluggish or passive approach, but that is overcome with
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