Be Interested, Not Interesting

If you have read my book The Power of Influence or heard me speak you have heard me share the idea that we should focus on being interested, not interesting. Influence comes from making it about them and when we are genuinely interested in someone else they will love us for it. My friend John Milton Fogg (Author of The Greatest Networker in The World) told me a story the other day that illustrates this idea. Years ago the Editor of Psychology Today was writing a book. As part of his research, he purchased a first class ticket from New York City to Los Angeles. He knew he would sit next to someone on this six hour flight and his task was to only ask questions. He wouldn’t volunteer any information about himself, instead he would do his best to make the conversation all about them. When they landed in
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Use Influence, Not Authority

I wrote a book called The Power of Influence and when people ask what I do, I tell them that I help make leaders influential. Why is influence so important? Because most leaders simply rely on authority. In other words they rely on their position, title or authority to get their people to follow. There are three reasons why authority doesn’t work in leadership: #1 It’s Lazy – being an influential leader takes actual effort and most people shy away from work. #2 It’s Situational – if your people follow because they have to (you are the boss, manager, etc…) then you only hold sway in that situation. Take yourself out of that position and you can’t get them to follow you at all. #3 At best, authority creates compliance. When people follow because they have to, they are not engaged and committed. At best, they are compliant (although many
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Choose Your Word For The Year

As you are setting your new years resolutions – I want to share a practice with you that I have found to be effective for me. This is the introduction to my book – The Power of Influence, where I explain the practice of how to choose your word for the year – Enjoy – Introduction As the New Year approaches I enjoy spending time reviewing my goals and my progress from the previous twelve months and setting goals for the next. I look at my life in four parts: Physical, mental, emotional & spiritual. I set goals in each. I think about what I want to be in each category, why I want it and how I am going to achieve it. It is one of my favorite times of the year. Four years ago, I added something different to my goal setting session. I decided to choose a
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